On the lighter side

On the lighter side

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On the lighter side - 14 June 2007 10:43:37

Jody Pallett

Posts: 429
Joined: 7 April 2007
From: North Beach
Status: offline

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

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RE: On the lighter side - 14 June 2007 10:51:09

Michael Oates

Posts: 1762
Joined: 18 July 2006
From: Drummond Cove
Status: offline

I'm gonna use that one Jody.

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OFWhat?

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RE: On the lighter side - 14 June 2007 20:32:51

Michael Heslewood

Posts: 1393
Joined: 23 March 2007
From: OFW underground bunker
Status: offline

absolutely bloody funny ,,thats no bragg just fact

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hezzy

evil flourishes when good men do nothing !

social director..... OFW 11.......... recfishwest no 296

(in reply to Jody Pallett)

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RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 16:20:15

Michael Heslewood

Posts: 1393
Joined: 23 March 2007
From: OFW underground bunker
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little kids parents are going to a wedding ,,little boy asks his mum , why the bride is dressed in white ,,mum says to him ,,oh thats cause all new brides are pure and soft like snowflakes ,,thats why they wear white son ,,

little boy not satisfied with this asks his dad ,,dad why do brides wear white ,,dad looks down at him and says ,,oh thats easy son ,,all brides wear white so theyl match the fridge,microwave and toaster and all the other stuff in the kitchen thats white ,, where they belong

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hezzy

evil flourishes when good men do nothing !

social director..... OFW 11.......... recfishwest no 296

(in reply to Michael Heslewood)

Post #: 4

RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 16:24:39

Michael Heslewood

Posts: 1393
Joined: 23 March 2007
From: OFW underground bunker
Status: offline

irishman applys for a job with a blacksmith

irishman gets to the interview ,and the blacksmith asks him if he,s ever shoe,d horses [

irishman says ,no , ,but i told a donkey to f#ck off once

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hezzy

evil flourishes when good men do nothing !

social director..... OFW 11.......... recfishwest no 296

(in reply to Michael Heslewood)

Post #: 5

RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 16:24:44

Todd Samuels

Posts: 674
Joined: 7 March 2007
From: Perth/Greenwood
Status: offline

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Dont drink water, fish procreate in it.Drink beer instead

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RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 16:27:13

Todd Samuels

Posts: 674
Joined: 7 March 2007
From: Perth/Greenwood
Status: offline

The value of a Catholic education and a #2 pencil.

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School.
Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping.

"Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret.

The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.

A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?"

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

"Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,
"Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...

"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"

Again, Johnny came to the rescue. But this time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The nun fainted.....

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Dont drink water, fish procreate in it.Drink beer instead

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RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 16:48:53

Terry Javens

Posts: 393
Joined: 26 September 2006
From: Geraldton
Status: offline

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I am RECFISHWEST member #285

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RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 17:24:49

Rick Ashton

Posts: 462
Joined: 9 December 2004
From: Safety Bay
Status: offline

It's always little johnny's fault

(in reply to Terry Javens)

Post #: 9

RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 17:45:53

Dave Heptinstall

Posts: 314
Joined: 8 June 2006
Status: offline

A man kills a "deer" and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of
meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so
begged their dad for the clue.

"Well" the father said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams, "Don't eat it.... it's a f****ing a***hole!!"

(in reply to Rick Ashton)

Post #: 10

RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 18:02:53

Jody Pallett

Posts: 429
Joined: 7 April 2007
From: North Beach
Status: offline

A gynaecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was
on the verge of being burned out.

Hoping to try another career where skilful hands would be beneficial,
he decided to change careers and became an auto mechanic. He found
out from the local technical college what was involved, signed up for
evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could.

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynaecologist
prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous
skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had
obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor
saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding
result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs
adjusting?"

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine
back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark."

The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you
did all of it through the exhaust !"

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RE: On the lighter side - 26 June 2007 18:28:54

Stuart Arrowsmith

Posts: 500
Joined: 5 June 2003
From: Perth, Western Australia
Status: offline

quote:

but i told a donkey to f#ck off once

ya wouldn't tell this one to f*ck off

(Click Image for full size)

(Click Image for full size)

A couple from Montana was out riding on the range, he with his

rifle and she (fortunately) with her camera. Their dogs always

followed them, but on this occasion a Mountain Lion decided that

he wanted to stalk the dogs (you'll see the dogs in the

background watching). Very, very bad decision for the mountain lion...

The hunter got off the mule with his rifle and decided to shoot in

the air to scare away the lion, but before he could get off a shot,

the lion charged in and decided he wanted a piece of those dogs.

With that, the mule took off and decided he wanted a piece of that

lion. That's when all hell broke loose... for the lion.

As the lion approach the dogs, the mule snatched him up by the

tail and started whirling him around, banging its head on the

ground on every pass. Then he dropped it, stomped on it, and held

it to the ground by the throat. The mule then got down on his

knees and bit the thing all over a couple of dozen times to make

sure it was dead, than whipped it into the air again, walked back

over to the couple (that were stunned in silence) and stood there

ready to continue his ride... as if nothing had just happened.

Fortunately even though the hunter didn't get off a shot, his wife

got these pics

Attachment (3)

(in reply to Jody Pallett)

Post #: 12

RE: On the lighter side - 28 June 2007 12:05:28

Michael Heslewood

Posts: 1393
Joined: 23 March 2007
From: OFW underground bunker
Status: offline

a blonde , wanting to make some extra money ,,decides to canvass a wealthy suburb for work
she knocks on the door of the first house and ,asks the man at the door if there are any odd jobs she can do ,,

the man says yes there is ,you can paint my porch if you like ... the blonde says yes and asks how much she will get paid for the job ,, man says how bout $50 ,,blonde say ok

the man tells here the paint and brushes are in his shed ,,help herself

the man goes back inside the house ,, his wife asks him if the blonde realises the porch goes all the way around the house ,,man say s she should as she was standing on it

short time later the blonde knocks on the door and says she,s finished ,
can she collect her money ?

the man stares at her and says what already ?

, she tells the man ,ive given it two coates and ive got some paint left over ,,oh and its not a porch ,its a ferrari

_____________________________

hezzy

evil flourishes when good men do nothing !

social director..... OFW 11.......... recfishwest no 296

(in reply to Stuart Arrowsmith)

Post #: 13

RE: On the lighter side - 28 June 2007 13:35:27

Paul Maynard

Posts: 418
Joined: 12 March 2004
Status: offline

Another classic

I urgently needed a few days off from a Glass Company I work for in
Perth, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a
few days off, so I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny
noises.

My co-worker, asked me what I was doing? I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What the hell are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out, go home and recouperate for a
couple of days".

I quickly jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker, followed me, the Boss asked him"...And where do you think you're going mate ?"

He said, "I'm going home too boss, I can't work in the dark."

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RE: On the lighter side - 28 June 2007 14:32:11

Vince Doran

Posts: 749
Joined: 13 February 2007
From: Outback
Status: offline

Hey Stuart, Maybe the Donkey and Mountain Lion story is fake.
Apparently the bloke shot the Cat first and then gave it to the GG for a play around in front of the camera.
The website "snopes" reckon they have the real story.
"Berry" the Mule doesn't like cats, me and im would get along just fine.
Giddy-up!

< Message edited by Vince Doran -- 28 June 2007 14:47:54 >

(in reply to Paul Maynard)

Post #: 15